GRACE
Thousands of years ago, when a prophet named Moses asked God to reveal His glory, God responded by saying that He is a “compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, [and] abounding in love and faithfulness.”[1] This quote is from one of the oldest books in the Bible, and various versions of it are repeated throughout the Old Testament.[2]
The Hebrew word translated to gracious is related to a noun often translated as grace. The simplest definition of grace is unmerited favor, but it’s actually much more. Among other things, grace is unwavering, often shocking, and utterly countercultural, and it is expressed through things like love, forgiveness, service, and sacrifice. It involves giving something good to someone when they deserve quite the opposite, and it is unique and central to the Christian faith.
Grace is incredibly counter to human nature and our notions of what God should be like. Grace leads a person to forgive others despite unspeakable crimes.[3] It leads one person to keep forgiving another for repeating the same offense countless times.[4] It leads us to love our enemies, to pray for them, and do good to them.[5] And above all, it’s what led God to send his Son, Jesus, to earth in human form to die horribly and unjustly so that we might have eternal life.[6]
The last statement is pretty amazing. The Bible describes a God who loves us so deeply that, even though we repeatedly choose to turn our backs on him, He sacrificed His only Son to have a relationship with us. I don’t know of any faith that describes such a personal God, one who reaches down to mankind rather than requiring us to reach up via our own efforts—a God who endures deep humiliation and pain in order to save us.
The Bible reveals that all humans are sinful,[7] that the penalty for sin is death,[8] and that God sent Jesus to earth to pay that penalty for us through his death.[9] If we simply recognize and confess our sinfulness, commit to change the way we live, and accept Jesus’ sacrifice, God forgives us and grants us eternal life in His coming Kingdom. This “saving grace” is mind-blowing stuff and is captured beautifully in the following Bible verse.
God saved you by His grace when you believed [in Jesus’ sacrifice]. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.[10]
Saving grace has nothing to do with how good a person is and everything to do with the ultimate expression of God’s perfect love for us.
Even more shocking, this grace is extended to the worst of people. When Jesus hung on the cross following a horrible beating, he said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”[11] There were plenty of liars, cheats, thieves, and other sinners in the crowd that witnessed Jesus’ crucifixion, yet he chose to forgive rather than lash out at them.
Common Grace
There are also other, more common forms of grace. The Bible reveals that God expresses grace when He gives sunlight and rain to both the evil and the good,[12] vision to both the poor and the oppressor,[13] and food for everyone to enjoy.[14] He is good to everyone, even kind to the unthankful and wicked.[15]
Christians and non-Christians also express this grace when they extend love, service, forgiveness, and kindness to those who can’t earn it or don’t deserve it. We are all capable of extending such grace because we are made in God’s image.[16] These common forms of grace are often referred to unsurprisingly as “common grace.”
I once interviewed a gentleman named Azim Khamissa who forgave the murderer of his 20-year-old son, Tariq. Not long after Tariq’s death, Azim realized that there were victims at both ends of the gun used to kill his son. Tariq’s killer, Tony Hicks, was only fourteen years old at the time of the murder and had experienced a great deal of trauma in his young life. In the 25 years since Tariq’s death, Azim has built an amazing relationship with Tony and his grandfather, Plez Felix, and has spread a message of forgiveness and non-violence around the world. Azim even hired Tony in the nonprofit he started in honor of his son when Tony was released from jail. Azim is a Sufi Muslim. Plez is a Southern Baptist. Both of them are created in the image of God and have the ability to express His grace.
Grace Properties
The Bible is a love story describing a father’s (God’s) incredible love for his children (His creation), and it’s filled with examples of God’s grace toward us—all of us. Throughout history, God has expressed His love for people who would be considered scoundrels by society and used them in His service. God took an adulterer and murderer (King David) and molded him into someone whom many consider to be the greatest king in Old Testament times. He also took a murderer and torturer (the apostle Paul) and changed him into the greatest missionary of all time. Paul himself wrote:
Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.[17]
Jesus was all about grace. He had a reputation for hanging out with people society judged as sinners and outcasts: lepers, prostitutes, foreigners, and tax collectors. He told grace stories like the one describing a father’s outrageous love and forgiveness for his son who took an early withdrawal of his inheritance and blew it on partying and prostitutes.[18] He acted gracefully, like when he deftly prevented a mob from stoning a woman caught in adultery.[19] And He talked about how a celebration breaks out in heaven whenever a single sinner repents.[20] Jesus is described as full of grace and truth, and He shares one gracious blessing after another with his followers.[21]
The Bible teaches us that God is filled with grace, generously gives us His grace, and that grace is a gift too wonderful for words.[22] Grace is the source of a Christian’s strength, works best through our weakness, and teaches us how to live.[23] Our suffering and Jesus’ death are even described as being part of God’s grace for us.[24]
And, quite importantly, we are commanded to see to it that no one misses out on God’s grace.[25]
My Experience with Grace
While I saw and was moved by examples of grace in the world and the Bible over the years, I didn’t come to truly understand its power and importance until I experienced it on a deep, personal level. My transformation began back in April 2008 when my wife informed me that she wanted a divorce after 22 years of marriage. I cannot put into words how stunned and devastated I was. I knew we had our problems and had admittedly grown apart over the years, but we weren’t dealing with issues like extramarital affairs, drug use, physical abuse or bankruptcy. I soon came to realize, though, that there were far more serious things at work, things that would force me to take the hardest look ever at my heart, behavior, beliefs, and priorities.
As I worked through the initial shock, I had some major revelations. The biggest one was that I had slowly come to live in a state of perpetual “ungrace” in my marriage. Among other things, I had become angry, selfish, impatient, grumpy, and sometimes downright mean. I wanted my wife to do the things that were important to me and tried to get her to do them by increasingly showing my displeasure with her. I kept a record of her wrongs, often grumbled and cursed with displeasure, and could barely offer up a smile when around her. Of course, she wasn’t perfect either, but I realized that the only person I could change was me, and that acting ungracefully had brought me to the brink of divorce.
I began to think seriously about the example Jesus Christ set as recorded in the Bible. What I saw was truly amazing. I saw how badly Christ was treated throughout his life by so many people he came into contact with, and how he was eventually beaten and crucified. I realized he accepted all of this without lashing out at people and using his power to force them to change. Instead, he traveled around the countryside caring for people, teaching and healing them, and was often moved with compassion and to tears when he saw suffering. This made me realize how badly I was behaving. Instead of accepting my wife’s differences and appreciating them, and using them to help me change and mature, I was continually exerting pressure on her to change.
These realizations led me to do a few things. I committed to start seeing my wife through God’s graceful, loving eyes and not my own selfish ones. I also committed to treating her with grace no matter what happened. I simply did not want to get into the tit-for-tat downward spiral that characterizes so many divorces (and the world in general). Finally, I realized that the only person I could change was me, so I decided to focus on identifying the things that God wanted me to change in myself, and not the things I wanted my wife to change about herself.
What I’ve been through since has been remarkable as I’ve experienced the realness, superpower, practicality, and beauty of God’s grace firsthand. I describe my experiences in a book I recently published entitled Monumental Hug – Divorce, Cancer, Grace, and Healing. For now, I’ll simply share some nuggets of wisdom I gained from my experiences.
First and foremost, grace is the only way to go, and until you seize the opportunity to act counter to the world and express grace in the face of conflict and difficulty, you’ll never really “get it.” You also won’t experience true healing and freedom in these situations until you decide to forgive and love those who have hurt you. I have a friend who went through a divorce at the same time as me. For years, every time he interacted with his ex-wife, he was bitter, could barely look at her, and said things he would regret for days. He simply would not allow himself to forgive her for what she did and let grace bring peace into his life. He was an unhappy prisoner of ungrace.
Second, the more I realized how much I screwed up and needed forgiveness, the more willing I was to extend grace and forgive others. In the words of C. S. Lewis, “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”[26] My increasing awareness of how flawed I was opened the door to unimaginable grace in my life. It was only when I realized and focused on my mistakes and sin that I began to yearn to serve my ex-wife and extend grace and forgiveness no matter what.
Third, the world is filled with ungrace. Way too often during the early years of my separation and divorce I was greeted by someone encouraging me to behave ungracefully. Far too many people I talked to had mean-spirited advice for how to handle my wife and the divorce. In the world, every bad act deserves an equal or greater bad reaction. Many people got mad at me or expressed frustration with me for treating my wife with grace after she left. Yet the wonderful things that came from my decision now stand as a testament to grace.
I often wondered what my neighbors thought when they saw my ex-wife and I occasionally giving each other a tender goodbye hug in our driveway when she stopped by to pick up our daughter. I hope that grace was touching their hearts.
The Bible’s concept of grace is not only unique to Christianity, but I believe it’s the only force powerful enough to overcome the spirit of division, hate, fear, and untruth that is so prevalent in the world. This amazing grace is Christianity’s greatest contribution to the world and dispensing it should be our highest priority.[27] The good news of grace is that God loves us deeply, and there is nothing we can do good or bad to change that.
Footnotes
[1] Exodus 34:6 (NIV).
[2] See Numbers 14:18; Psalm 86:15, 103:8, and 145:8; Joel 2:13; Jonah 4:2; and Nehemiah 9:17.
[3] See Acts 7:60.
[4] See Matthew 18:22.
[5] See Matthew 5:44-47 and Luke 6:27-31.
[6] See John 3:16 and Philippians 2:5-8.
[7] Romans 3:23.
[8] Romans 6:23.
[9] John 3:16.
[10] Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV). See also Titus 2:11.
[11] Luke 23:34.
[12] See Matthew 5:45.
[13] See Proverbs 29:13.
[14] See Acts 14:16-17.
[15] Psalm 145:9 and Luke 6:35.
[16] Genesis 1:27.
[17] 1 Timothy 1:15-16.
[18] Luke 15:11-32.
[19] John 8:1-11.
[20] Luke 15:3-7.
[21] John 1:14-17.
[22] 1 Peter 5:10, James 4:6, 2 Corinthians 9:13-15.
[23] Hebrews 13:9, 2 Corinthians 12:9, Titus 2:11-12.
[24] 1 Peter 5:12, Hebrews 2:9.
[25] Hebrews 12:15 (CJB).
[26] C. S. Lewis, “On Forgiveness,” in The Weight of Glory and Other Addresses, New York, NY: Collier Books/Macmillan, 1980, pg. 125.
[27] John 13:35.